All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
