that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
