I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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