I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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