Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Will you blow on my dice?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You left your phone here
Wait...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
