omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
