Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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