don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
