I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
