If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
