well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
