Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
