Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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