My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
