My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
