in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
