At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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