i came on her dog
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
