Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
