I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
