Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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