well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
