my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
People in love make me want to vomit
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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