Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
