I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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