i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
