just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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