i think my tv is drunk
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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