i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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