Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
