I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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