you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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