Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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