Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
