Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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