4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
