Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
