the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am available for nakedness
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
