xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
