Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
