I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
