Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
