So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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