we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
