i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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