I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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