look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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