I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
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She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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