Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Blood and glitter go together right?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
