so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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