You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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