you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
