So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
