Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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