I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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