Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
