I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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