If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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