My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We are two peas in an std pod
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
