I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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