So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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