So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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