i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
