You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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