You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
