A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
