bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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